ok folks, i have to be honest here.
i have to be transparent and open and vulnerable. because being closed off and putting up a facade is doing nothing for me.
i’m hurting.
i’m broken into a million little pieces.
there are days where i get up and go through the same routine…let the dogs out, make the coffee, let the dogs in, empty the dishwasher, fix lunches, shower, get ready, fight to get the kids up, fight to get the kids to choose something for breakfast, fight to get the kids to EAT breakfast, fight to get the kids to remember their morning routine…you know, the one they do. every. single. morning. and yet, can’t remember to put shoes and socks on…
drop the kids off
go to work
come home from work
fight with kids to do their homework
fight to get the kids to eat a healthy dinner
shuttle said kids to and from practices
put kids in the shower
send kids off to bed
wonder what in the world did i get accomplished today
what difference did i make today
whose life did i touch today
oh, now it’s time to go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow
am i alone here?
am i floating about – alone – in this abyss of routine and schedules and permission slips and dinners and – oh what’s it all for?!
i’ve lost my joy.
i feel i’m missing something. i’m missing out on something…but what? i know what i *think* i’m missing…but am i truly?
it’s grey in my world right now.
ever feel this way? like sometimes, you just need someone to come alongside you, grab your hand, and say that everything will be ok? yeah…me too…
in an attempt to pull myself out of this ‘funk,’ i decided to look at Ann Voskamp’s Joy Dare for September. today’s dare is to find 3 gifts yellow.
i stopped at 2.
i. can’t. find. a. third. yellow. gift.
some days i wonder and ponder and question what the point of it all is.
am i enough for this life? am i good enough. strong enough. smart enough. determined enough.
do i have enough perseverance to make it through this ‘rough patch?’
{sigh} i suppose this too, shall pass…you know what they say, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…damn, i’m gonna be one strong person when i come out on the other side of this.
and when i do, i know, i mean i really *KNOW* that my purpose will be to share this experience…this time of parched soul-dryness…this season of drought…this time in my life that is lacking color
i know that he is calling me to more…to a higher place of praise…to praise him in this mess…or in the hallway, as i wait for him to open the door…
and so, dear readers, if i could ask one favor of you – please pray for me. that is the most powerful thing we, as believers, can do. pray for my strength. pray for my peace of mind, body, soul. pray for me to find joy in the small. and pray that i would praise him…in the storm…in the hallway…in the mess that will become his message…
