Author: Michelle

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Random, Soul Relationships

Still…

Michelle

There is something about this time of year that makes me want to pull back – to retract into myself and reflect. Be introspective. Become like a bear and begin my preparations to hunker down and hibernate for the winter season.

It’s seasons like this in which I begin to analyze my relationships – with everyone from God to my kids.

I look at the activities I’m involved in and those my kids are involved in. I reflect on what I’ve accomplished this year, and what, if anything still needs completed.

So far:

  • I’ve read 16 books of my goal of 24 for the year.
  • I had a HUGE purging/organizing session in July. My home feels better and I feel a *little* more organized.
  • I still have my daughter’s closet to purge/organize {let’s be real, this may wait until she’s out of the house!}
  • I still need to get a blogging schedule established.
  • I still need to follow said schedule.
  • I’ve completed, I dunno, somewhere between 4-6 Hello Mornings bible studies.
  • I still need to finish my Bible in a Year plan. {I’m about 5 months behind on that one!}
  • I still need to learn to lean into His grace and accept when I can’t mark things off of my ‘To Do’ list.
  • My kids are in AWESOME classes this school year.
  • Elijah is crazy improving in baseball this year, due to an amazing coach!
  • Emma actually decided to give softball a chance, and she’s not half bad! {which is a total shock to my system!}

But the biggest thing that I have yet to cross off my ever growing task list can be found in one of my favorite Bible verses…Psalm 46:10a, “Be still and know that I am God.”

My absolute favorite version of this verse is in the NASB version. It reads:

“Cease striving and know that I am God.”

Cease striving…REALLY?

Dictionary.com defines cease this way: “to stop; discontinue.”

Dictionary.com defines striving this way: “to exert oneself vigorously; try hard.”

So, basically what I’m telling you is that I can’t. stop. trying. hard.

I can’t stop exerting myself…to please others…to accomplish more…to be more involved…to cross things off of my list.

To just BE STILL

I am Type A all the way.

This is something that God will need to do a miraculous work within me to accomplish. But He is faithful. He is good. He is just. He is love.

And thankfully, He will accept me just the way I am. But, by His grace, He loves me too much to leave me that way.

So, as I enter into this season of my life, of this year, please pray with me that He will continue to do a good work in me. That I will learn to lean into His grace. Into His rest.

Jesus tells us we can, “come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” {Matthew 11:28-30}.

And that I can just be. still.

His Word, Series

ready

Michelle

So, as I’m starting this post, it’s 8 minutes until midnight…it’s almost Friday…

As with most Fridays, I’m linking up with Five Minute Friday with Kate Motaung.

Today’s prompt is…ready…

So, in my heart of hearts…I feel I’m ready. Now, I know what you’ll say…how do I know if I’m ready when I’ve never been ‘there’ before?

Because I feel it…in my heart…in my soul…in the core of who I am.

I’m ready.

I’m ready to be the wife God would have me to be.

I’m ready to be the woman I was destined to be.

I’m ready for all of it…

the sleepovers where I’m stepping over the bodies of boys in sleeping bags

the spa days with girls who are desiring to be princesses

the meals…oh the countless meals to be prepared and eaten in the kitchen that is the hub of the house

juggling schedules of 4 kids and their activities

laying in bed, next to the man that God chose for me…that is perfect for me…not that he’s perfect…but perfect for me

after the day is done…and the kids are in bed…laying there discussing the events of the day and the plans for the day to come…

knowing that, no matter what, our feet will be intertwined at some point in the 24 hour period that is a day…

God, I’m ready…I’m ready to be the Proverbs 31 woman You desire…with all of my faults and flaws and imperfections…

with the man You chose for me…the man who will embrace those imperfections and not look down upon them.

now, for the ever important question…is HE ready?

His Word, Random

real…i mean really real

Michelle

ok folks, i have to be honest here.

smile

i have to be transparent and open and vulnerable. because being closed off and putting up a facade is doing nothing for me.

i’m hurting.

i’m broken into a million little pieces.

there are days where i get up and go through the same routine…let the dogs out, make the coffee, let the dogs in, empty the dishwasher, fix lunches, shower, get ready, fight to get the kids up, fight to get the kids to choose something for breakfast, fight to get the kids to EAT breakfast, fight to get the kids to remember their morning routine…you know, the one they do. every. single. morning. and yet, can’t remember to put shoes and socks on…

drop the kids off

go to work

come home from work

fight with kids to do their homework

fight to get the kids to eat a healthy dinner

shuttle said kids to and from practices

put kids in the shower

send kids off to bed

wonder what in the world did i get accomplished today

what difference did i make today

whose life did i touch today

oh, now it’s time to go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow

am i alone here?

am i floating about – alone – in this abyss of routine and schedules and permission slips and dinners and – oh what’s it all for?!

i’ve lost my joy.

i feel i’m missing something. i’m missing out on something…but what? i know what i *think* i’m missing…but am i truly?

it’s grey in my world right now.

ever feel this way? like sometimes, you just need someone to come alongside you, grab your hand, and say that everything will be ok? yeah…me too…

strong person

in an attempt to pull myself out of this ‘funk,’ i decided to look at Ann Voskamp’s Joy Dare for September. today’s dare is to find 3 gifts yellow.

i stopped at 2.

i. can’t. find. a. third. yellow. gift.

some days i wonder and ponder and question what the point of it all is.

am i enough for this life? am i good enough. strong enough. smart enough. determined enough.

do i have enough perseverance to make it through this ‘rough patch?’

{sigh} i suppose this too, shall pass…you know what they say, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…damn, i’m gonna be one strong person when i come out on the other side of this.

storm

and when i do, i know, i mean i really *KNOW* that my purpose will be to share this experience…this time of parched soul-dryness…this season of drought…this time in my life that is lacking color

i know that he is calling me to more…to a higher place of praise…to praise him in this mess…or in the hallway, as i wait for him to open the door…

hallway

and so, dear readers, if i could ask one favor of you – please pray for me. that is the most powerful thing we, as believers, can do. pray for my strength. pray for my peace of mind, body, soul. pray for me to find joy in the small. and pray that i would praise him…in the storm…in the hallway…in the mess that will become his message…

Random, Series

Reach

Michelle

I’ve been pondering this…how do you reach someone?

How do you reach into the recesses of their heart to know them? To know their hopes, dreams, desires? To know their greatest fears?

How do you reach them and touch their heart?

Is it in the things you do for them? Is it in the things they do for you?

Is it in the conversations long after the sun has set and the day is winding down?

Is it in the moments you share with them? Those moments that would not be what they are, if they were shared with anyone else.

Is it in the way you look at them? Full of longing… Or is it in the way they look at you? With the little sideways smile…

And lets suppose there is something that has touched their heart…that has moved them from just an acquaintance to a friend or more. Wouldn’t you hope that they would share that with you?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they told you what it was that you did or said that reached their heart? That touched them in such a way to make a lasting impression?

And do you wait for the acknowledgment that you’ve touched their heart? Or do you just keep plodding along? Doing what you’ve always done. Saying what you’ve always said. Loving the way you’ve always loved…

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Series

Change

Michelle

Well, folks, it’s been awhile…I feel like my life has taken on a life of its own lately. Here I got this fancy-schmancy website and I don’t even use it!

Today, as with Fridays in the past, I’m linking up with Five Minute Friday – only it’s no longer with Lisa-Jo Baker. Now, we are linking with Kate Motaung. You can find her here.

The prompt for today is: Change.

It’s been said that the only certainties in this world are death and taxes. I’d like to append that and add that change is certain.

Change can occur for the better, such as a better job, a better home, a better school for the kids, or even something as trivial as a better meal.

It can also occur in a negative way. For instance, a job loss, the loss of a life, or even the loss of a vehicle that you depend on.

BUT, here is where I challenge your thinking. What we may view as a negative change may, in fact, be God working out things on our behalf that we know NOTHING of.

For instance, perhaps that job loss will open up the door to a career in something you’re passionate about. Or, the loss of a vehicle opens the door to a newer vehicle that is paid for. How rockin’ would that be?

See, let’s be real…you never would have left that job {or the security that it offered}, if God hadn’t shaken things up a bit and removed it for you.

These changes I’m referring to are large, life-altering changes.

But what about smaller ones? The ones that occur on a daily basis that may seem inconsequential, but that add up to a mountain of changes?

You could decide that it’s time to change your lifestyle. There is no time like the present when it comes to changing your lifestyle. Swapping an unhealthy meal for a healthier option. Deciding to participate in 15-20 minutes of aerobic activity 3-5 times a week. Getting more rest. All of these small daily changes would add up to a larger lifestyle change when made consistent.

And then there are the changes that have to occur for mental health. Things like: letting go of bitterness, anger, resentment, hurt, envy.

Just this morning, I read this quote:

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain

This is so true. Because, while you’re holding onto anger that someone caused by something they did, they are across town, across the state, across the country and not even thinking one second about how their actions affected you.

Now, we get into the HOW of making these changes. These are not the easy changes that are tangible.

These changes require a choice to forgive and move on that is made daily, hourly, moment-by-moment. You can’t just wake up one morning and the feelings of hurt and bitterness are gone.

You have to have a daily laying down of your feelings and CHOOSE to let. it. go. so it doesn’t have a negative impact on your life.

You have to remind yourself that you are ABOVE the actions of the other person.

You have to take back control of your life by refusing to allow the actions of another person to affect you any longer.

You have to tell yourself that your future is worth it.

YOU are worth it. You are worth letting it go and moving on. Your happiness depends on it.