Author: Michelle

His Word, Random, Series

Day 10 – Care

Michelle

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Today’s post is the first Five Minute Friday prompt in the 31 Day writing challenge. Yes, I realize it’s not Friday…that it’s actually Tuesday, but hey, folks, I’m a work in progress.

Which is actually a good segue into the actual post. Today’s prompt is: Care.

There are days when I ask why I care. Why do I care how I’m viewed? Why do I care what other people think? The only One who really matters doesn’t even judge the same way as people.

See, I have a problem. There’s even a word to describe it…

per·fec·tion·ism noun \-shə-ˌni-zəm\

Definition of PERFECTIONISM

: a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable
— per·fec·tion·ist noun or adjective
— per·fec·tion·is·tic adjective

And this is why I am embarking upon this book, “confessions of a raging perfectionist” by Amanda Jenkins. Perhaps this book, in conjunction with His Word will cure me of this deadly disease.

I was having a conversation with a fellow perfectionist just yesterday. We both remarked that we wanted things to be, {ahem} perfect in our relationships. Then we chuckled and began to feel badly for these men who have a tremendous amount of pressure placed upon them to join us in our quest for perfection. And they may not even realize it themselves.

I will tell you this much: I’m exhausted from caring so much about how others perceive me. And the thing is that it’s just that…their perception. And perceptions can be twisted by our life experiences, so it’s not factual and it’s different for everyone.

Does anyone else want to join me in this journey? Is anyone else thinking it might be time to focus on The One whose opinion matters the most? Is anyone else tired of trying to be ‘just so’?

If you’re thinking that maybe it’s time, let me leave you with this snippet from the Introduction to Amanda’s book:

“My problem, I’ve recently realized, is the significance I attach to the list–that if I lose five pounds and spend twenty minutes reading my Bible, I’ll be a better, more spiritual, more loving, more lovable person. When I fail to live up to my own expectations, I feel inadequate. Or more specifically (and as my stats frequently read), overweight, lazy, disorganized, and unworthy of the approval I seek.”

Kids/Parenting, My 'Farm', Random, Series

Day 9 – Join

Michelle

I have to say that this writing challenge has truly challenged me in some really great ways. I’ve stretched myself to a place I’ve not been before. To a place where I’m forcing myself to write just for the sake of writing.

The prompt for day 9 is: Join.

It catches me by surprise this morning when I step outside that fall has joined us. As I make the trek to the chicken coop, I traipse through damp leaves that have fallen softly from the trees.

I feel the cool, crisp air tenderly touch my cheeks, and as I exhale, I can see my warm breath.

Where has the year gone that fall has made it’s arrival so silently? Like a thief in the night steals, summer has been snatched from our grasp.

And just as the days and the years quickly tick by, the fall of my children’s lives joins me.

How one day, I open the door to my life and it shocks my system to find I have a 9-year old and a 7-year old. She has less than 2 years left in her elementary school days.

Less than 2 years and she will join the ranks of middle-schoolers where life takes on a new level of complexity.

And him…my baby…is not a baby any more. He has joined the thousands of boys that have gone before him into the land of no more hugs and kisses for their mamas.

Oh dear, sweet children…how can I slow time down? How can I learn to join you in this moment?

Help me to appreciate the cool, crisp air of the fall now; before the cold, sharp air of the winter blasts me in the face and chills me to the bone. Because it will be here all too soon.

His Word, Series

Day 8 – Say

Michelle

Today’s post covers the prompt: Say.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the words that I say…and those I don’t.

Do the words I say build up those around me? Do they incite a feeling of being loved? Do they encourage and lift up?

While I was searching in Proverbs for a specific scripture, I came across this gem.

“From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.”  Proverbs 12:14

Now since that is not what I was looking for, yet fit the moment, I felt it needed to be shared. Basically, the things you say, and those you don’t, will benefit you just as much as the work you do with your hands.

John Mayer once crooned, “say what you need to say…”

This brings me to the words I don’t say.

While I know it’s important to use kindness and love in our interactions with others, there are times when I don’t have the ‘tough’ conversations because I’m afraid of the outcome. I’m afraid of what may happen. I’m afraid of how they will take it.

I will admit to you that this post has taken me longer than the 5 minutes ‘allowed’ because I want to say just the right words.  I want to convey the right meaning behind what I’m saying.

Is it time for me to ‘say what I need to say’?

Is it time to have that tough conversation?

When do you finally say, “Enough is enough”? And mean it…and say the hard words. The words that need to be expressed. The words that you’re just tired of holding onto. The words that must be spoken in order to be freed from the dark cage that embitters your heart.

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Series

Day 7 – Go

Michelle

Well…I’m a couple days behind…but that’s better than I expected to be doing with this challenge.

The word prompt for the 7th day is: Go.

Some days I just want to go. To get away from it all. To wander away from it all. If only for a moment.

I want to go somewhere that I’m not a single mom trying to do it all for everyone.

And the kicker is that I enjoy doing things for others. Alas, it seems like I am in a quandary in which what I love also brings me frustration.

I want to go. Where the sun meets the horizon and illuminates nature.

I want to go. Where the sea goes on forever and there is no end in sight.

I want to go. Where the animals roam freely in the wilderness.

I want to go. Where the monkeys swing freely from the trees and the smell of fresh rain permeates the air.

But for now, I will go where I’m needed the most. To tend and care for the two precious gems that God gave me to be steward over.

Until next time when I can daydream and go to remote locations in my mind.

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Series

Days 5 and 6 – Stuck and Know

Michelle

I’m combining days 5 & 6 in the writing challenge. Partially because I’m behind but also because with what I have to say, they kinda go together.

Day 5 is Stuck and Day 6 is Know.

I’m stuck. I’m literally stuck between a rock and a hard place and I know the only thing that will get me out of it is the rough knees that result from fervent prayer.

How do I attempt to explain to her that he isn’t interested in fighting for her…that he’s not capable of fighting for her the way she deserves to be fought for…that there’s a reason that God hasn’t allowed him to come back…

How do I continue to look deep into those wise eyes, that have already been exposed to more than she should have at this young age? How do I make her understand that I know, all too well, the rejection that she’s feeling?

How do I get unstuck from this place and help her get to a place where she knows she is loved, valued, treasured, cherished and a true princess?

How do I help her to understand that the sunshine and roses and unicorns and rainbows that she feels covers the lives of so many other people are also available to her…if she would only believe and know…that He loves her infinitely more than she could ever imagine.

How do I remind her of the song in her heart when she has forgotten the tune…and doesn’t want to recall it?

How do I help her to see and know that they’re not all the same…despite the fact that sometimes even I feel that way?

I’m asking more questions than I’m getting answers to here, folks. I suppose it’s time to turn it over to the man upstairs. It’s time to work on those raw, chafed knees. Better those than a raw, chafed heart.