Kids/Parenting, Series, Soul Relationships

Small

Michelle

In continuing with moving content, here is a post originally published February 21, 2014.

They are small. In size. But yet they are so big in my heart. My two beautiful children.

They are smart, they are sassy, they are my reason for living, for thriving, for surviving.

They are small. But the moments are BIG in meaning.

The small, everyday, ordinary moments which translate into one big lifetime of occasions and memories.

These small moments of breakfast at the island in our kitchen. Our kitchen that I LOVE preparing meals for them in.

These small moments of devotions at dinner time, which turn into small stories of our days. Small stories, small days, in the BIG story of our BIG God.

Oh how I hope that my small moments make for BIG meaning in the lives of my children. Who are small. In size. But yet they are so big in my heart. My two beautiful children.

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Series

Brave

Michelle

Brave

Brave…there are movies about it, songs about it, quotes about it. But what does brave really look like?

Merriam-Webster defines brave as: having or showing courage. Ok. I think we can all agree that those who serve in our armed forces are brave. They exhibit courage in the way they leave their families for an unknown period of time, go across the world, and stand in the front lines, all in the name of freedom. Yes, yes…those are very courageous individuals.

I would say the same for those who serve in the organization Doctors without Borders and other such organizations. They go to some of the most remote locations in the world, face diseases and death, and most of them do it without even flinching.

So, what about those in our daily lives?

What about the woman who married the man of her dreams…the one who points her to live more like her Savior…the one who keeps her laughing along the way…and they can’t have biological children of their own? They’ve tried everything in their power, and yet it’s just not happening. So, they go an alternate route. See, they both love children and are amazing people…so they foster…and the Lord sees fit to allow them to adopt one of their foster children. Then, through events that can only be described as miraculous, they end up with two more children that become theirs. This woman, who thought she would never be a mom, now celebrates life with 3 boys (not including her husband – cause we all know – or at least I’ve been told – that, as amazing as they can be, they are still boys at heart, no matter how many years they’ve been alive.)

She’s brave…she waited and trusted in the Lord and now they are seeing the fruits of many years of prayer and faithfulness in His word.

Or what about the woman who married the man she went back to at the end of every. single. relationship. She finally decides that yes, indeed, he is the one. The ‘catch’? They both have sons from previous relationships. And step-parenting is never easy. As someone recently told me, there is no manual for this. But she puts on her brave face every day and is the best step-mother she can be to her husbands son. Which is no easy feat, when you consider the boy’s mother…but that’s a different story for a different day.

She’s brave…she puts one foot in front of the other day after day after day, in the hopes of making a positive difference in the lives of all those around her.

There’s the woman who is pregnant with her second child and decides to give her life to Jesus. She is baptized – pregnant. WOW! Now yes, we all talk a good talk about all sin being equal and such, but there it was…right in the faces of those in the pews watching her being baptized. Not as easy to hide on a Sunday morning as say, gossiping, now is it? This same woman approaches each day with a smile on her face, despite recently experiencing what can only be described as a debilitating encounter with depression.

She’s brave…she faces her days and her ‘haters’ knowing God is on her side…and that with Him in her corner, there’s nothing she can’t face.

And then there’s one of my personal favorites. The woman who has faced addiction head on and has. not. backed. down. She was in a position to be locked away – either in rehab or a jail cell of her own making – and she made some very courageous decisions to change her life for the better. And she has done an absolutely amazing job. She is one of the best mothers I know, and she shows up every. single. day. for her husband and her kids. Where she used to just show up physically – and sometimes, even that was questionable – now she shows up emotionally, mentally, and physically.

She’s brave…she could have very easily taken the same path she had in the past, made the same decisions she always had, followed in the paths of family members before her…but she didn’t. She grabbed addiction by the horns and said, YOU. WILL. NOT. OWN. ME. ANY. LONGER. She reclaimed her life.

Then there’s the woman who grew up without her dad or a father figure in her life. She experienced the proverbial, ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’ cliche. She made some bad choices. She hurt some people – some very badly. She didn’t honor her marriage or her God. And then Jesus grabbed ahold of her. And she wrestled with the old and the new. And she got pregnant. And when she told the father, he said he would stand by her no matter what she chose. As if there were any real choice to make…so she chose life and she had that baby. Oh, and that man who promised to stand by her side? Yeah, he’s long gone. He makes an appearance every few years. Rocks the boat, hurts his daughter, then leaves again. She still wrestled with the old and the new. And she got pregnant again. By someone different. And she chose life – again. See, even though she wrestled with the old and the new, she knew, to her very core, that the Lord was with her and He would guide and protect her…she only needed to surrender to Him – surrender her life, her will, her dreams. Because He will make them greater than you could ever imagine.

See, when she was young, she moved around a lot. And so, when the first pregnancy was revealed to her, she knew, down in the very core of who she was, that she wanted to have a home of her own…so her kids wouldn’t have to move around as she did. And yeah, along the way, she tried to birth an Ishmael once, or maybe even twice…but the Lord wouldn’t have it. And in March of 2012, the Lord fulfilled His promises. He made that deep-seated dream a reality. He put her and her two kids in a home that, she’s still amazed by every. single. day.

Oh, and about her dad who wasn’t there for her? Yeah, talk about a story for God’s glory! They have reconciled and now he is the best grandpa her kids could ask for. So, don’t tell me that God can’t redeem broken relationships. Don’t tell me that He doesn’t have an ultimate plan. Because if any one thing had changed about the circumstances from her past, they might not have a relationship now, and God wouldn’t have gotten the glory!

Brave? Uh yeah…she’s brave…but it’s funny, because I wouldn’t have thought of myself as brave before now.

And then there’s my favorite. Probably because it has so much meaning to me and is so personal. A few decades ago, there was a 15 year old girl, at prom for the first time. She and her date go a little far physically…maybe he pushed her a little…maybe it was completely consensual…maybe she pushed him. Who really knows, and does it really matter? No. Because from that one night, a life was conceived. And this 15 year old girl, having no idea what was in store for her, chose life for her child amid all of the voices in her own life. There were voices telling her to choose life…there were voices telling her it would be too hard…too much…too – whatever. But that brave young girl gave birth to another brave young girl. And life was never the same. For the mom or for the daughter. See, that’s my mom’s story. And I know from experience, that there is no training manual for this thing called motherhood. There’s only your gut instincts and the Lord’s gentle guidance to rely on. And there’s a big difference in doing it at 28 for the first time and doing it at 16 for the first time. See, who is really prepared for the responsibility of a child at 16? It’s a child having a child…literally.

Brave? To me, this woman, my mother, is the epitome of brave. She was then, she is now, and I’m pretty sure she will forever be. She is the rock I rely on here on Earth. I’m not sure where I would be without her. See, her own parents are aging and she’s right there, in the midst of it all, helping them, being there for them, attending doctor appointments and procedures and just doing what she does. And then there are her kids – who still depend on her to talk to, to be there, to cheer on their own kids in whatever activities they are involved in. And she does all of this with grace. She always has a smile for everyone she meets, no matter what may be going on inside her. And will we ever really know what’s going on inside her?

Each of these stories I’ve shared today are unique. They are all true. They are all personal to me…some more than others. But in each of these stories, we find that people, women in particular, are brave in their own ways.

I’ve seen a quote before that says something to the effect of, “Sometimes courage isn’t the loud roar, it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow.'” And that is never more true than in the stories of these women.

And as the quote says, “It’s not that I’m that brave, but that God is that big.” – Susie Eller

Because He is…BIG.

His Word, Kids/Parenting, My 'Farm', Soul Relationships

Imperfect Pumpkins & An Imperfect Me

Michelle

Today’s post is from October 20, 2013.

My kids and me at the pumpkin patch and corn maze in October 2014
My kids and me at the pumpkin patch and corn maze in October 2014

I took a trip to the corn maze and pumpkin patch yesterday. It’s funny how you can be looking at a map or a visual guide and still feel like you don’t KNOW where you are or where you’re going. I guess it’s like that with life sometimes. You can have a general awareness of where you are, but the details are fuzzy.

While we were there, we walked around the pumpkin patch. We saw pumpkins of all shapes and sizes and colors. There were small, hard, white pumpkins that, while they were aesthetically pleasing, would only be useful for decoration; you couldn’t carve them into a jack-o-lantern. There were gourds that were also beautiful to look at, with their varying colors. Some were all orange, some were orange and green, some were yellow; but the one characteristic they all shared were the bumps on the outside. Some had few, while others had many.

When we made it to the bigger pumpkins, you know the ones you search for to carve; there were rows upon rows of these magnificent creations. As we walked through the vast array of pumpkins, we found some that were perfectly orange. Some were more round than others. Some were tall and skinny, while others were short and fat. Some were flat on one side. Some were even rotting. Some were dirty from sitting in the mud from the recent rain. Some were clean, as though someone had walked along and brushed the dried mud off of them. Despite the fact that we were not planning to buy a pumpkin, it was still enjoyable to look at and compare the many sizes and shapes of the pumpkins available.

I sit now and think about how I can feel like a pumpkin. Waiting, while everyone walks around you and the other pumpkins near you, in search of their ‘perfect’ pumpkin. Waiting, for someone to come along and scoop you up and say, “You are just right for me.” Waiting, for someone to come along and say to you, “You are worthy of being on display at my house.” Waiting, for someone to recognize all of the wonderful qualities you have to offer. Waiting, for someone to choose you. Waiting, for just the right person, that one person, who knows all of your bumps and discolorations and misshapen features, and still chooses you. Chooses you to love. Chooses you to share their bumps and misshapen features with. Chooses you to trust. Chooses you to dream their dreams with.

I’m so glad that I have a Creator who doesn’t view just my exterior. Who doesn’t look at my bumps and bruises and scars and see them as the world sees them. He sees my scars as beautiful. He views my flaws and sees a work-in-progress. He sees what no one else can. You see, when I look at a pumpkin, I can smell the aroma of roasting pumpkin seeds. I can recall from years past, the crisp, salty flavor of that first bite into the seeds. I can even go back to a time, so long ago, that I was in elementary school at Mulberry, roasting pumpkin seeds in my first grade class.

In 1 Samuel 16:7, the Lord says to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” This came after the Lord rejected Saul as king and a new king was sought. The Lord had sent Samuel to Jesse, from whose lineage a new king would be chosen. Verse 6 reads, “When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, ‘Surely the Lord’s anointed stands here before the Lord.’” See, Eliab was the oldest of Jesse’s sons, and so Samuel assumed the eldest was to be the new king. However, as verse 7 tells us, the Lord sees our hearts and there was something in Eliab’s heart that made him unsuitable to be king.

I am drawn to Psalm 139:13-14, which reads, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” These verses remind me that I am exactly how God has made me. Granted, I’ve exercised free will several times in my life, so where I am in my life has also been influenced by my choices. But, God made me the perfect combination of my mom and my dad. He made me, flaws and all, so that through my free will and my circumstances, I would bring Him the glory.

See, that’s what we are all here for. To bring God the glory. From every situation. In every circumstance. In good times and in bad. Because it’s not about us anyway. So, on this day, I choose to give God the glory. For creating me in such a way that He knew He would get the glory from my life.

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Series

Change & Grace

Michelle

This post is another oldie…but goodie. It was originally published on October 14, 2013

How much can one person really change? I feel I can say that I’ve really changed; but am I willing to extend that same grace to others? To see evidence of change in their lives? To really SEARCH for the confirmation that I’m seeking that change has occurred?

Yesterday, God gave me the opportunity to really test my ability to extend grace. And to believe in His ability to change people, without there being any real proof that He is in their lives. But just to have FAITH.

Grace is the Biggest Kind of Brave

As I woke this morning to read my devotions, I read yesterday’s devotion in my ‘Putting Your Faith into Action Today’ book by Dr. Robert H. Schuller. Its entry read like this:

FAITH IS…

Respecting persons after you know them.

“Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.”  ~1 Peter 2:17

Today the challenge you and I have is to respect the people with whom we live, work, and closely relate. Can we respect them after we’ve seen them at their worst? The answer must be a resounding YES.

How can our faith perform this miracle? Quite simply. Our faith reminds us that we too are imperfect human beings.

Our faith reminds us that God loves us even though He knows us better than anybody else! And if God loves us in spite of what we are, He will give us the grace to pass that charitable spirit along!

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) tells us, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” As I re-read and study this verse, something pops out at me. You can interpret this to read like this, “Now, faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” With this interpretation, you would expect the reader to pause after ‘now,’ as though the author is saying, “Ok understand that, faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

However, there is no comma in the scripture verse. Which then leads me to view it a little differently. The way I choose to interpret this verse is that the author is saying ‘NOW faith.’ Meaning, not the faith you had yesterday. Or the faith you’ll have tomorrow. But rather the faith you have NOW. So, I believe the scripture author is really calling you on the carpet to prove your faith. Your ‘NOW’ faith. Forget the faith you had yesterday. Pay no mind to the faith you hope to have tomorrow. What is your faith RIGHT NOW telling you to do?

2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV) tells us, “For we live by faith, not by sight.” The King James Version uses ‘walk’ rather than ‘live,’ to read, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Despite the fact that I memorized this verse in the KJV, I prefer the NIV version, as ‘live’ indicates to me that it is a daily, moment-by-moment, decision to LIVE my life out in faith.

This verse challenges me, because it goes against everything that is in my gut. My gut tells me that ‘the proof is in the pudding’ and that I need to SEE evidence of change in this individual, before I can trust and respect them. However, that is not what God calls me to do. He calls me to live in faith that the change has occurred. That He has gotten ahold of this individual and ‘knocked some sense’ into them. It’s not my job to look for that. It’s not my responsibility to hold this person accountable. My only responsibility is to Him; to LIVE by faith…my NOW faith…and to remember that, I too, am an imperfect being. I’m called to love and respect despite the fact that I saw this person at their worst. Because that’s what He did and is doing for me. And you.

His Word, My 'Farm', Series, Soul Relationships

Apples & God

Michelle

I’m in the process of moving old content to this new space…so I’m going to be posting some repeats…here’s the first of many. I hope you enjoy this. It was originally published on September 24, 2013.

I recently discovered that an apple tree in my backyard produces the most ah-mazing apples! They are the perfect combination of tart and sweet and produce the perfect crunch when you bite into them. The kids and I spent quite a while basking in yesterday’s glorious, skin-warming sun picking these little red treasures.

While they went onto ride bikes on the road surrounded by this year’s corn and soybean crops, I pondered long and hard about the many options for my apples. I grabbed a large bowl, my peeler, a knife and the basket of apples. I took my place on the front porch, with the long shadows of the house and the trees surrounding me and set about peeling the splendid riches God provided.

As I was peeling these apples, I couldn’t help but contemplate that this is how God means for us to be. He wants to peel away our tough exterior – the protective coating – the shell we use to try to keep all things at bay. He strives to shave away this covering so that we can be transparent – vulnerable – exposed so that we can be a witness to others around us.

Apples & God

As I was cutting out the bad spots in the apples, I realized this is how God prepares us too. He turns us all around, looks us over, and removes the ‘bad spots’ – things like selfishness, greed, laziness, pride, envy. He desires for us to grasp that we are more than our exterior – by what the world judges us.

Once my work with the apple was complete, I was left with a misshapen, grouted, ‘holey’ apple on the outside. It looked ANYTHING but perfect…you know, perfect like the ones you see in the stores – all perfectly apple shaped, perfectly polished and perfectly shiny – on display to be chosen as the best looking, sweet, crisp, perfect treat. But one bite into this deformed beauty would have your taste buds dancing!

It began to dawn on me that that is how we Christians can be made to feel – that we have to have it all together – we have to be perfectly smooth, impeccably glossy; perfect in our outward appearance. But what God glorifies in – – – what He lives, and loves, for, is allowing us to be bruised, broken, misshapen, and vulnerable on the outside, so that, when He peels back our dirty exterior, prods out our bad spots like pride and vanity, we can be cut into to be used in a recipe for something greater – something we may know nothing of…we are just trusting in the Master Baker. So when we have fulfilled our purpose, we don’t see ourselves as the beginning product – the ugly apple – we only see and experience ourselves as the beautiful finished product – an ingredient in God’s recipe for delicious apple crisp – tart and sweet at the same time.

Because life is full of moments that are tart and biting, ones that make us pucker up. But it’s also filled to the dish’s edge with sweet moments – those we know we should savor. And it’s the combination of these moments – the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ – that make us a creation of the Creator’s…a reason to cling to His goodness and rejoice in every acidic and sugary sweet flash in time.