Category: Soul Relationships

Kids/Parenting, Soul Relationships

Dreams

Michelle

It’s 11:11 on a Wednesday morning. I’m sitting at my computer, trying to find inspiration or at least a few mediocre words to share that might somehow encourage you all.

Many of you know that last October, I had three huge life changing events.

  • I got married.
  • I moved (in with my husband)
  • I quit my job

Now, any one of these things would be enough to put someone in the loony bin, but I’m not one to do things {ahem} small. My philosophy? Go big or go home. So, I went big.

The last time something huge happened in my life was March – June of 2012.

  • I bought a house
  • I finished school for my MBA
  • I changed jobs

Suffice to say, I do big things in threes.

In the fall of 2012, I started a blog. It’s been quite a journey, to say the least. What I have discovered, though, is that I have to discipline myself to write. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get my thoughts and words on paper {or your computer screen}, but sometimes I just don’t feel it and have to do it anyway. From what I’m hearing, that’s how all of the greats do it.

I know, you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this post – the title is ‘Dreams,’ after all. I’m getting there.

For those of you who don’t know my husband, let me say you are missing out. He is kind and generous and giving and honest and trustworthy and genuine and compassionate. And he’s also my biggest encourager.

See, I shared with him a few months back my dream of becoming a writer. I know, I know…anyone can be a writer, all you have to do is write the words. But it’s bigger than that for me. I feel that God has given me a story to share. A story that can help and benefit others. A story that matters. And I want to share it. With you all.

I should have kept this little gem of a secret to myself. Because wouldn’t you know it, he told me I could quit my job and pursue my dreams. Whoa…wait just one stinking second…you’re going to let me…pursue my dream of writing? But wait…writers {most, anyway}, don’t get paid. How will I contribute to our household? How will I measure my worth? How will I determine if I’m successful?

These are all good questions. However, the more I travel and the more I read and learn about other writers who have paved the path before me, the more I’m learning that these are questions that are mostly based on where we live. In the U.S. In a society that only sees value and worth in money, possessions, and tangible stuff.

As a society, we don’t value the intangible things like creativity. We value houses and cars.

As a society, we don’t value relationships like being someone’s wife and mother. We value what you can bring to the workplace.

Dream Big

My dreams…my dream is that I will make a difference in the lives of my children and in those around me. My dream is that I can spread hope and love in places where you wouldn’t think to find it. My dream is that someone’s life will be better, improved, because of me and my role in their life.

I’m going to do it. I’m going to write. I’m going to have the discipline necessary to write 1,000 words a day…even if I’m not feeling it.

I’m going to put in the extra work to improve my craft. I’m going to read and learn from others who have been there. I’m going to take a step of faith and put myself out there to dream and to push others to dream.

Because what would life look like without dreams?

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Soul Relationships

Thoughts on Pride

Michelle

I have to be transparent here, folks. I’m struggling with my pride…

Merriam-Webster defines ‘pride‘ as: a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people, a feeling that you are more important or better than other people.

It pains me to say this to you. It is uncomfortable to give voice to these feelings – because if I put them out there, if I share them with you, then it makes them real…it means that I really AM self-centered or self-involved.

And that’s the LAST thing I want to be, or that I should be, as a Christian.

I’m struggling with an inflated ego…I’m struggling with feeling like my husband, my kids, my friends, should all get on board with ‘Team Michelle.’

My husband, the wonderful man that he is, continues to tell me that I should ‘do something for myself.’ Yes, I agree that I shouldn’t be dead last when it comes to who I have been given to care for. At the same time, I feel like a self-involved, first-world-problems-focused, kinda gal. And that’s not me, at my core.

I recently read “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller. This is basically his story and a collection of his friends’ stories on Christianity and religion and other life matters – money, love, etc. In it, he realizes that he struggles with intimacy because he is an introvert and enjoys his own company. He recognizes that he is not the being that others orbit around. The world doesn’t revolve around him. He has a plan for his life and how his days should go, and he gets annoyed with others don’t play their part in his script. He takes everything personally.

Up until about 3 months ago, I worked full-time. I was in a very customer-service oriented position. People were emailing me, calling me, and appearing in my office door all the live-long day. Everyone needed something. I used to get so agitated. I would think, ‘If these people would only leave me alone, I could get some work done.’

I realize now, that their needs WERE my work.

Now that I’m a full-time stay at home mom (for all intents and purposes because I only work about 10 hours a week), I’m realizing that those little people, my husband, those in my sphere of influence – their needs are my work.

Whatever I can do to make their lives smoother…that is my ‘job.’ And it’s certainly a full-time one, at that.

We were not made to do life alone. We were made to be in relationship with others…to go through life with our tribe by our side.

My outlook needs to change. The landscape in my life and in the lives of those around me is changing.

I’ve never been one to welcome an interruption, particularly when I’m eyeball deep in thought or task. However, I can learn from Jesus the proper response to interruptions.

In Matthew 14, we learn that John the Baptist was beheaded. When Jesus learns of this news, ‘he left in a boat to a remote area to be alone. But the crowds heard where he was headed and followed on foot from many towns.’

Jesus wanted to get away.

He left. On a boat. To a remote area. To be alone.

All of these phrases indicate that he didn’t want to be bothered.

And yet, we read in the next verse, ‘Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.’

Jesus saw.

He had compassion on them.

And healed their sick.

You know what’s coming next, right? This is the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand with five loaves of bread and two fish. He just learned that the head of his BFF was delivered on a silver platter to a snotty little girl who wanted it as a birthday wish. Seriously?

This news was delivered to Him and He wanted to mourn. Alone. On a boat.

But He saw the people and He knew His mourning would have to wait. His needs would take a back-seat to those He had compassion on.

This is the example I am to follow.

Will I succeed every time? No.

Will I screw it up royally on occasion? You betcha.

Will I have to apologize and ask for forgiveness from those closest to me? Absolutely.

Will my family and friends remember that I gave them my very best? Yes and no.

Will I feel better knowing that I poured myself and my life into my loved ones? Without a doubt.

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Link-Ups, Soul Relationships

Perceptions

Michelle

As I was driving today, I was mindlessly flipping through the radio stations and I stumbled upon the song “Harper Valley PTA.” I knew I had heard the song before, but it had been a while. I missed the first part of it, but tuned in just to hear the words, ‘they were surprised when Miss Johnson wore her mini-skirt into the room.’

I continued to listen to the song and the lyrics and noted that the song was from the ’60s. (I love it when Sirius tells me when the song came out.) It occurred to me that the lyrics describing the situation then aren’t too different from situations nowadays.

I was intrigued enough about the full song to Google the lyrics. Here is what I found:

I wanna tell you all a story ’bout a Harper Valley widowed wife,
Who had a teenage daughter who attended Harper Valley Junior High,
Well her daughter came home one afternoon and didn’t even stop to play,
And she said, “Mom I got a note here from the Harper Valley PTA.”

Well the note said, “Mrs. Johnson, you’re wearing your dresses way too high.
It’s reported you’ve been drinkin’ and runnin’ round with men and goin’ wild.
And we don’t believe you oughta be a bringin’ up your little girl this way.”
And it was signed by the secretary, Harper Valley PTA.

Well it happened that the PTA was gonna meet that very afternoon.
And they were sure surprised when Mrs. Johnson wore her mini-skirt into the room.
And as she walked up to the black board, I still recall the words she had to say.
She said, “I’d like to address this meeting of the Harper Valley PTA.

Well, there’s Bobby Taylor sittin’ there, and seven times he’s asked me for a date.
And Mrs. Taylor seems to use alotta ice, whenever he’s away.
And Mr. Baker can you tell us why your secretary had to leave this town?
And shouldn’t widow Jones be told to keep her window shades a pulled completely down.

Well Mr. Harper couldn’t be here cause he stayed too long at Kelly’s Bar again.
And if you smell Shirley Thompson’s breath you’ll find she’s had a little nip of gin.
And then you have the nerve to tell me, you think that as a mother I’m not fit.
Well this is just a little Peyton Place, and you’re all Harper Valley hypocrites.”

No, I wouldn’t put you on because, it really did happen just this way.
The day my momma socked it to, the Harper Valley PTA.
The day my momma socked it to, the Harper Valley PTA

And it got me thinking…isn’t this how we all can be? We can be more critical of others than ourselves. We can judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions. We can ignore the plank in our own eye and focus on the sawdust in others’ eyes.

I’m not sure what it will take for us to take an honest look at ourselves…to look at ourselves in a spiritual mirror.

I hear this in my kids…I am guilty of this with my husband or my family…

When my son or daughter offends the other, I hear one say, “Well, that’s not what I meant,” and then the offended party retorts, “Well, that’s how it felt.”

See what they did? The offender measures their intent and the offended measures the offender’s actions.

We are all guilty of saying, “Well, look at Miss Johnson’s short mini-skirt, but pay no attention to the nip(s) of gin I’ve had.”

This may seem like an odd place to tie this in, but I’m struggling with the word God has for me for 2016. I’ve toyed with all of these: brave, courageous, still, peace, and now trust. While all of these are good in and of themselves, I can’t possibly try to focus on ALL of these for 2016. So, what about choosing one that encompasses them all?

Focus…

It takes focus to be brave…it takes focus to be courageous…it takes focus to be still and have peace…it takes laser-like focus and intention to trust.

It takes focus to not judge others…but if I do slip into that old pattern, then it takes focus to look at their intentions and not always focusing on their actions.

 Intentions vs Actions

See, a while back, I was reading “Love and Respect” by Doctor Emerson Eggerichs. One of the ideas he discusses in the book is to look at the other party’s intentions before reacting. The way he suggests doing this is to ask yourself if the offender has general ‘good will’ toward you. See, if I know that my husband generally wishes me well and doesn’t want to hurt me, then I can more rationally determine whether he meant to hurt me or not. Most times, his intention isn’t to hurt me, but there’s a general miscommunication happening based on our perceptions.

Merriam-Webster defines perception as: the way you think about or understand something or someone. Our perceptions are based largely on what has happened to us and how we have reacted to it. Two people can go through the exact same situation and handle it differently…because of their backgrounds and what they’ve been through in the past.

We are all unique and we all deserve the same grace.

Link-Ups, Soul Relationships

Do You Measure Yourself?

Michelle

This post was originally published on April 25, 2014…

A journalist visited a town famous for its rampant unhappiness to see if he could understand its origin. Walking down the street, he noticed a man ahead of him. 

Suddenly, a little man, no more than a few inches high, appeared and ran up the man’s leg. He started sticking pins into the man and sewing things to him. 

Instantly, the man was covered by these tiny tailors, all sticking him with pins. He looked completely miserable as he shuffled off.

The journalist saw this happen to one person after another, until he was ready to give up and go home. The town was completely infested with tiny tailors; no wonder everyone was unhappy.

Then the journalist noticed one woman covered with tiny tailors who apparently said something, and the tiny tailors just melted away. 

The journalist ran over to her. “What did you say to get free of them?!” he exclaimed.

“Oh,” she answered, “it was nothing. I just told them I’ve decided to stop measuring myself.”

–Guy Finley

How many of us allow tiny tailors to attach themselves to us? To our outsides…to our insides…

How many of us walk through life feeling defeated, because we feel like we don’t measure up to some impossible standard of living?

Whether it’s the way you feel you should be talking to your spouse, or the way you feel you shouldbe interacting with your children, or the way you feel you should lose weight, or the way you feel youshould treat yourself.

In all of these examples, we should ourselves. We should ourselves almost to the point of exhaustion and defeat.

Surely, I’m not the only one?!

This year was supposed to be the year I came to accept myself and who I am. Not that I was content to just remain stagnant where I was when the year started, but to just accept ME. for ME.

I’m not sure I’m progressing in this goal.

And it makes me kind of sad.

What example am I setting for my children if I walk around with LOADS of negative self-talk going on? That does nothing for the environment in my home.

Just this morning, I felt like I was failing at life. And then my daughter, my beautiful daughter, wrapped her arms around my neck and said the sweetest words to me, “I Love You, Momma.”

WOAH! It was like a ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders.

Then, my son echoed her sentiments. He said, “It’s OK, Momma.”

And I knew I was right where I was meant to be…being ‘measured’ by the ones who love me most. Who see me at my best…and at my worst…

We are our own worst critics. Let’s band together and silence the inner voice which tells us that we’ll never measure up…

Link-Ups, Series, Soul Relationships

Friend

Michelle

This post was originally published on April 25, 2014…

Hey Friends! Here we are, at another Friday (already?). So, I’ve been doing some thinking…scary, I know. I’m going to start writing more frequently. There for a while, I was writing almost daily and it has slowly trickled off. But, as I’ve said before…I need to write like I need to breathe. And sometimes, it’s not much…but just taking the time to sit down and get all of the thoughts out of my head and onto paper (21st Century translation = computer screen).

Today, as with all Fridays, I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for her Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Today’s prompt is Friend…ready? GO!

It’s funny to think of the word friend. Sometimes, I think that I haven’t got a friend in the world, and then other times, when I take a long-hard look around, I realize I’m blessed with an overwhelming supply of friends.

Those who encourage me with the things they say or do.

Those who lift me up when I’m having trouble lifting myself up.

Those who pray for me when I feel I don’t have the strength or stamina to pray for myself.

Those who remind me of the song of my life and sing it back to me when I forget it’s chorus or the verses.

Those who let me know that it’s okay (and perfectly normal) to yell at my children on occasion. (Side note: thank God for His grace and mercy that I don’t stay in ‘that place.’)

Those who push me to do more. To be more. To love more. To forgive more – even when I feel I. Just. Can’t. Forgive. Again.

Those who love me when I feel I’m at my most unlovable.

Those who have care and compassion for me when I’m hurting.

I have several girlfriends who fit some or all of the above. And I’m so grateful for each and every one of them.

I know that you, my dear reader, have this person or people in your life that do these things for you. Oftentimes, it’s the person we would least expect it to be. In my case, it’s my children.

I know that I can’t share all of my personal woes and life struggles in detail with my children, but they have been my best friends lately.

They remind me that I’m their superhero. I’m their mom. I’m their first friend. And I hope to be their best and last friend they have.