Tag: #writing

His Word, Kids/Parenting, Soul Relationships

On this day…

Michelle

You know how Facebook alerts you to the posts you’ve made on this day in years past? Those memories typically have one of three effects on me…

First, I can read those and want to crack up – most of those memories involve my children and something wack they said that I wanted to document. For instance, not too long ago, I was reminded of a time when Emma and I were having ‘a moment,’ which was followed by her saying something to the effect of, “momma, your teeth are really brown, maybe it’s because of all the coffee you drink.” WOW.

Another feeling I can have is that of reminiscing on days in which I felt particularly stronger or weaker, depending on the circumstances of my life at the time. As I’m sure we all have, there were times in my life when I felt like She-Ra and could take on the world and nothing was going to stop me. I’ve also had times in my life in which I felt so weak that the slightest breeze could have toppled me.

The third, and most frequent feeling I have, which brings us to this post today, is that of melancholy. Just yesterday, I gave my students a list of ‘common’ words and asked them to come up with more descriptive synonyms. One of the common words was ‘sad.’ As we know, there are many shades of sadness. Many students came up with the word ‘depressed’ as a more descriptive synonym. But the synonym that resonates with me the deepest today is melancholy.

Dictionary.com defines melancholy as, “sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.” This perfectly describes my feelings today.

Today is the day we set aside to ‘officially’ say our goodbyes to my sweet Grandma. I use quotes because is there ever an official goodbye to someone you love? Even if it’s for the shortest of times, ‘goodbye’ seems so…final. I know my grandma is in heaven…waiting for me.

So, why am I in a mood of ‘sober thoughtfulness?’ Well, because I was ironing Elijah’s shirt for the funeral today and I thought to myself how much grandma would appreciate the fact that I’m ironing…I mean, who irons anything anymore?!?!

Which brings me to my next thought…I am in the middle of purchasing a home for me and my kiddos. The home was built in the 60’s. Guess what my daughter found when we looked at the home? She found an ironing board in the wall. Oh, how my grandma would be so tickled to know that I have an ironing board, in the wall, in my new home. I can already think of all of the ways she would be redecorating or redesigning my home. The ironic thing? I do the same thing.

When we were looking at all. of. the. houses. to possibly buy, in every one, I thought to myself, ‘Oh, I would love to do (x, y, z) in this room.’

My grandma also loved to tell me all of the things I should do, the activities I should join, the ways I should make more friends. Oh how I loathed those conversations. But guess what? I do the EXACT same thing with my daughter.

That is one thing my grandma was good at…making friends. She was also good at volunteering…helping out…lending a hand…offering advice (solicited or otherwise…lol)…

She was an amazing lady. She wasn’t perfect, though. None of us are. I can remember the times when I would discipline my daughter, and she would just shake her head and do the ‘tsk, tsk’ thing that would drive. me. crazy.

I’m going to miss that.

This wonderful woman, who had such a full life…she held onto some wrongs that were done to her. She had hung onto them for far too long. I suspect she carried them with her right up until Jesus met her at the pearly gates and told her she didn’t have to carry the weight of that load anymore.

I have a tendency to hold a grudge too. I would love to learn from my mother how to let some things just roll off my back. I guess I’m a work in progress.

Most of the time (especially in public), I’m a pretty stoic person. I have learned how to ‘stuff’ things until I’m ready to deal with them. Oftentimes, I never reach the place where I’m ‘ready’ to deal with them…I get so caught up in the ‘what’s next on my list to accomplish,’ ‘I have so much to do.’ This does not a healthy woman make. We have to take the time to process our grief and our disappointments. It’s how we learn and how we grow. (Plus it’s just healthy for our souls)

However, as I type this in the privacy of my own home, surrounded only by my children and my dog, I am getting emotional.

I am emotional for all of the words left unsaid. All of the times I ‘intended’ to take my grandma to Goodwill – her favorite place – this summer. All of the times I held onto anger and frustration toward her, when she really just wanted things to be ‘perfect’ for me. I should have let those things go.

And then one day, you wake, and you learn that there is no more time. See, I think that’s the lesson she was trying to get me to see then and is still trying to get me to see even now, after her death. One day, there will be no more ‘one – days,’ and all you’ll be left with are the empty promises and regrets of the things left undone.

I’m teaching 8th grade English again this year. I have to tell you, as much as these kids make me crazy sometimes, this is really the BEST age. Anyway, our principal asked us to choose one word to be our focus for this year. One word that will carry us through the daily grind. One word that we can cling to when the crazy kicks in. One word that will sustain us when we want to give up.

My word is intentional.

I don’t want to be in this same ‘place’ in two years or even two months. I want to grow. I want to build deeper connections with other. I want to stretch myself beyond what I thought I was capable of. But so many times, it’s easier to just ‘go with the flow.’ I told my students last week when they were grumbling about how HARD a writing assignment I had given them was, that, ‘If it were easy everyone would do it.’

Guess I should live by my own words. Or eat them…historically, words you have to eat don’t taste very good.

If you’re still with me and you’re still reading…thank you. I was able to write all of this, pretty much non-stop, in about 15 minutes. So, thank you for reading my words.

If you’re still reading this, please, I beg you, help me to be accountable. Ask me how my one word living is going. Being held accountable is the only way we can grow.

If you’re still reading this and you want to be held accountable as well, leave me a comment with your one word. I can’t promise it will be this week or even next, but I will check in with you to see how your one word living is going.

Until next time, peace and love to you all.

xoxo

Michelle

Random, Writing

In the Words of Nike…Just Do It

Michelle

{sigh} Here I am again, feeling like a failure because I’ve not expressed myself here for so long. Major life changes can do that to you.

But then today…I began reading a book that has received a TON of press lately. When I read the author’s dedication, I knew it was going to be life-changing.

Oh, you want to know which book? It’s written by Rachel Hollis and is called, Girl, Wash Your Face.

From the introduction, “I believe God loves each of us unconditionally, butI don’t think that means we get to squander the gifts and talents He’s given us simply because we’re good enough already. A caterpillar is awesome, but if the caterpillar stopped there — if she just decided that good is good enough — we would all miss out on the beautiful creature she would become. You are more than what you have become.”

Say WHAT?!?!

I’m only through the first chapter, but already I can hear Rachel’s encouraging, go-after-what-you-want, words echoing in my mind.

Many years ago, the elementary school my children attended rolled out a new writing curriculum. My kids, then a 2nd grader and a kindergartner, were coming home with AMAZING words. Words that created incredible stories. I had always dreamed of being able to call myself a ‘writer.’ When I read their words, I felt encouraged and empowered. I felt I had permission to do this BIG thing called writing.

It was then, that I decided to start writing in this big expanse called the internet. My blog meant to be a place for me to express myself and be transparent with the world. It has been that and so much more. I’ve made money from my words. I’ve ‘met’ some really incredible women during my time online. I’ve stretched myself and I’ve grown in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise.

And I’ve also let it sit for too long, afraid of not doing it ‘perfectly.’ What is perfection, anyway? It’s boring…that’s what it is.

I’m teaching English again this year. School has only been in session for 9 days, and I can tell you that my students have genius running through their veins. I can’t wait to see the work they produce and hear their thoughts. I was telling them the other day that I’m a procrastinating-perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect, so I put it off and put it off, knowing that if I just prepared a little more, it WOULD be perfect. Then it comes crashing down on me, because I’m up against a deadline.

But the truth of the matter is, my words don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be MINE.

And I’m done procrastinating.

So, in the words of Nike, I’m going to Just Do It. I’m not going to wait for tomorrow, for conditions to be ‘perfect.’ I’m not going to wait until I feel I have ‘just the right’ words. I’m going to write and I’m going to give it my all again. I’m not going to get hung up on who will or won’t read my words. Because they were always meant for an audience of One, anyway.

Link-Ups, Series

#write31days – Day 1

Michelle

Espresso 2

Brave – there are songs and movies and quotes about it. To some degree, everyone wants to be it. And yet, do we really know what it takes to develop that sought after characteristic?

I had a planner recently. For any of you who know me, you know I love all things ‘office-supply.’ I love planners, pens, post-its, markers, etc. On this planner, the cover said, “I Wanna See You Be Brave.” I would often look at that cover and think about what makes one brave.

Merriam-Webster defines brave as: feeling or showing no fear – not afraid – having or showing courage. Courage is defined by Merriam-Webster as: the ability to do something that you know is difficult or dangerous; mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

I think we can learn a lot about bravery and courage from these two definitions.

One of my favorite songs these days is by Sara Bareilles called ‘Brave.’ I’ve included some of the lyrics below.

You can be amazing; you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug. You can be the outcast, or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love. Or you can start speaking up.

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle beneath your skin. Kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes a shadow wins. But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say. And the let words fall out; honestly, I wanna see you be brave…

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down by the enemy; fallen for the fear; and done some disappearing, bow down to the mighty. Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue.

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live. Maybe one of these days you can let the light in; show me how big your brave is.

And since your history of silence won’t do you any good, did you think it would? Let your words be anything but empty. Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you wanna say, and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave.

Clearly from reading these lyrics, we know that she is talking about being brave and telling others the truth. Of course we always want to tell the truth, in love. But I think sometimes, we get so caught up in being politically correct, that we forget the truth needs to be shared. This requires bravery, courage, fearlessness.

So today, if you have words that need to be said, in love, say them. Show me how big your brave is. Tell that person you love them. Say ‘I’m sorry’ to the one that deserves to hear it. Don’t let another day go by without saying the words that need to be said.

Link-Ups, Series

#write31days – Brave

Michelle

Espresso 2

So, as is with every October, hundreds, no THOUSANDS of wonderful writers from all over join together for a writing challenge – to write every day for the month of October. 31 days…

Now, for those of you who don’t write on the regular, this may seem like no big deal. But when you choose a topic to cover to write on EVERYDAY for 31 days, it can seem overwhelming.

Take me, for instance…I came up with a fantastic idea for this year’s challenge. To write for 31 days on brave women. And here I am, two days late, just now posting my intro…

Alas, it’s better late than never.

I hope you’ll join me here every day for October for #write31days, covering 31 Days of Brave Women.

Have a great day, my friends.

 

His Word, Link-Ups

Sunrise Abounding

Michelle

How funny that as I republish the post below, I find the same theme…my schedule doesn’t allow me the time to write as I would like to. Even though Jen Hatmaker posted this writing on her blog months ago, I just read it the other day. In it she says,

“You will not miraculously become a writer by carrying on exactly like you are. It’s a whole thing and you have to make room for it. Maybe that is in the earliest wee hours, which is when legions of writers make the magic happen…You don’t get to keep everything as is and also add writing. That is not how the time/space continuum works.“

Oh…so that’s my problem. I’m going to have to give up sleep. I was just having this conversation with my BFF today about how much I. LOVE. SLEEP. I do, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. So, having said all of that…here is the original post from April 6, 2014.

It seems my schedule hasn’t allowed for me to write in abundance lately. As I’ve discovered during this drought, writing is therapeutic for me…and I need it. So, yesterday morning, despite the fact that Elijah and six of his friends were slumbering in the basement and any one of them could have awoken at any time, I decided to sit and enjoy the gorgeous sunrise…and write about it…

I’m sitting on my bed – listening to “Hallelujah, Salvation, and Glory” and watching the sunrise as I drink my coffee. When I first looked out, the night sky was a shade of midnight blue and where the sun was beginning to come upon the horizon, there was a shade of magenta. Now, as I look out – only a few short minutes later – it’s a blazing orange with depth and shades of pink. The blue backdrop of the night sky is beginning to lighten up. I could see the silhouette of a bird in the tree branch.

The blue is really getting lighter despite the fact that the depth of the actual sunlight isn’t increasing. The words of the song strike me deep – ‘THE King of kings and Lord of lords.’

Everything is slowly growing more visible and the light is giving the trees more definition. I hear Jesus Culture singing to me now…’Your Glory surrounds me – and I’m overwhelmed.’

The sky is now a beautiful shade of sky blue – but still not what it will be during the day. Where the sun is rising – the color is a shade between orange and pink and yellow. The colors are rich with new beginnings and yet…the depth and width of the color has not overtaken the sky.

God's glory and splendor
God’s glory and splendor

Where the colors were so strictly defined before, they are now beginning to bleed into one another. The sky is now a very pale blue – almost greyish white.

The clouds in the distance are now becoming illuminated with the deep pink of the sun. It’s so awesome to see the contrast in the clouds. On the top, they are the shade of the sky, but their shape and the outline of the bottom is defined by the color of the rising sun. While I watch the beauty unfold before me, I think about how me and my shape would be defined by the rising ‘SON.’

Jesus Culture serenades me with the glorious truth that is occurring before me: ‘the winter has passed and the springtime as come.’

The sunrise that is blocked by the trees reveals a sky that is almost translucent. And now – the colors of the sunrise are so narrow and thin – it’s just a sliver of orange across the horizon – barely visible. As if all of the glory that was just seen is preparing me for what is to come.

I can see things in the distance that I couldn’t before. There’s a farm and factory that are illuminated by the light peeking through.

In my headphones, I hear Kim Walker describing exactly what I’m witnessing: ‘Heaven meets earth like a sloppy, wet kiss.’

The sky is now a dusty light blue – with white streaking across like an artist carelessly casting his brush across his canvas. But THE artist is far from careless. Every detail of this sunrise was orchestrated and meant for me this morning. And I’m basking in the awesomeness of it all. My God is the artist…and the world is His canvas.

It’s an oddity – complex and yet so simple – that the sky and the earth would be lit up – but the actual sun is still not yet visible. I suppose it’s the same in life – we can’t see the actual SON, but we can see His light in those around us.

As I hear children beginning to stir under me, I take a moment to thank God for this time that is coming to an end. I thank Him for these revelations. For these illustrations and demonstrations of His character.