The kids and I recently had our spring break from school. We didn’t really DO much, but we did spend time together, which is always enjoyable.
While we were on spring break, the kids and I traveled south of Indy for a little mini-getaway. While driving, we passed a church.
The kids were happily engaged in their devices, which I don’t typically allow, because being in the vehicle is a great time to get them to talk to me. I have them captive 🙂 I made an exception for this trip, because I felt like we all needed a little time to ‘plug in’ and ‘zone out’.
I was lost in my thoughts — about school, about finances, about summer — when my gaze traveled to a church sign. It read, “Where God guides, He provides.”
So simple, yet so profound. And it’s not even the first time I’ve heard or seen the phrase.
But for some reason, it struck a chord in me just then. It was just what I needed to bring me back to reality.
This led me to think of another phrase, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”
Friends, I am struggling these days with feeling ‘qualified’ to do anything God asks me to do.
I have been dealing with so much on my plate these days and I’m struggling to know what is the right thing to do; with knowing where God is leading and guiding me. I just have to have faith that God is in control. I need to be reminded of my life verse, Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
No matter how prepared I think I am for anything, nothing comes to me without first going through the loving hands of God.
Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” I can rest in this promise. Because I love God, I know that He will work everything out for good.
Does that mean I will only see good in my life? No.
But it does mean that, despite how I may feel about things, He will work it out for my good. It may not be comfortable. It may stretch me beyond what I feel I could be stretched, but it will be for my good in the end.
So, let’s think of it like this — He knows all of my days, my yesterdays, my today, and my tomorrows. He will take all of those and, despite the messes I make, turn them into a message. A good message. I only need to rest and trust.
“If I told you my story, you would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go.
And if I told you my story, you would hear Love that never gave up.
And If I told you my story, you would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine.
If I should speak, then let it be of the grace that is greater than all my sin.
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins.
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in. Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him.
This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long.”
~~ “My Story” by Big Daddy Weave ~~
My name is Michelle Nehrig and this is my story. I pray that you read these words and read of Him.
I came to Christ in August 2004. On December 29, 2004, my beautiful daughter was conceived. She was conceived out of wedlock, and, to many in the church, she was born in sin. But she was just what God used to reach me. In many ways, I was not prepared to be a single mother. In many other, more amazing ways, ways I knew nothing of at the time, God knew exactly what He was doing.
From the instant her father and I came together, I had a very strong suspicion that I was pregnant. I wouldn’t take an OTC pregnancy test until March of 2005 to have my suspicions confirmed. It was during that period of time that we buried my great-grandmother. I was not close to her growing up, as she lived in Minnesota, and we were in Indiana. But I firmly believe that it was because of her prayers that I’m here to write this story out for you today. I was her eldest great-grandchild, so I read at her funeral in Minnesota.
I read a post today by a blogger I follow in which she gives the advice to ‘Write Anyway,’ even when we don’t feel like it. Or when we feel like our words are unoriginal. Or when we feel like we have nothing left to contribute.
Write anyway…
The writer offers several suggestions on what to write about, one of which, I’m going to write about here today…
Write about something that feels like it pulverizes your heart.
Many of you may, or may not, know that I’ve been going through a very difficult time in my personal life right now. If you follow me on social media (Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest), you’ve likely read any one of my posts and thought to yourself, “Hmmm…there’s something not very ‘Michelle’ about that.”
See, I’m a positive person by nature. I’m typically ‘glass half-full’ and an optimist. However, that’s not where I’m ‘living’ right now. Right now, I’m living in a place of hurt.
Without going into a ton of detail here, my heart has been pulverized.
My heart has been ripped out of my chest. Thrown on the ground. Stomped on. Annihilated. Pulverized.
By lies. By deceit. By intentional withholding of crucial information. This information (and the lack thereof) caused me to make some HUGE life-changing decisions, that I would have made differently, had I known.
All by someone whom I trusted very deeply. I’m finding out this person was not worthy of my trust and loyalty.
If it were just me that it affected, it would be a different story. But, it involved my kiddos too. And now I’m angry.
I’m angry at myself for allowing this to happen.
I’m angry at the other person for doing this. For making the choices made.
My heart and my soul feel parched. Devoid of feeling. Vacant of life.
I found this on Pinterest last night and shared it with a friend and it is so accurate of how I’m feeling right now.
I am awesome at putting on the ‘tough girl’ facade. But I’m hurt and broken and my heart has been pulverized.
I need a friend. Someone who isn’t going to betray me and my trust and my loyalty. Because make no mistake about it, I am loyal. As long as it’s reciprocated.
I need a friend. Someone who I can trust. Implicitly.
I need a friend. Someone who will not further break me. Because I’m tired of being broken.
I’m looking for beauty in the world and something REAL in life that I can cling to. Something genuine. Something without pretense. Something that doesn’t make me want to lick a razor blade. Something that makes me want to be a better person. Something that makes ME better. Something that leaves a legacy for my children.
I don’t want to hear you tell me about how you have all of your shit together. Because the truth is, none of us do.
I don’t want you to try and impress me with your well-put-together appearance.
I want to hear about your brokenness.
I want to know what makes your heart feel pulverized.
Show me how you are genuine.
I want to see you on your worst day, so I can see that you fall apart too sometimes.
Because transparency is what makes you relatable. And real.
Jamie Grace, one of mine and my daughter’s favorite Christian female singers, has a song called “Do Life Big.” You can listen to it here: Do Life Big. This song came to me this morning. It’s been a while since I’ve listened to it, but when I did, it spoke to me.
The first words she belts out in this song are: I gotta slow down…stop for a second, take a look around.
slow down…
s l o w d o w n…
s l o w d o w n
I’ve been living in a state of semi-panic and high anxiety for about 4 months now. October 20, 2016 forever changed my life. I mean, this day and all that it held ROCKED my world to its core. Those details are for another day, perhaps…
Do you know what happens physically, when you are under a lot of stress and anxiety? You lose hair, by the handfuls. It takes allllll of your brain power to do simple tasks. You can’t enjoy living ‘in the moment,’ because you are perpetually concerned for what the future holds.
Yes, I understand, as a Christ-follower, worry is a form of disbelief. You can’t have worry and faith in the same breath. I get it.
In this song, she also says “I gotta take time to hear that little voice inside, saying I came to give you life. So spread your wings and fly.”
See, this stress and anxiety and semi-panic are not the life that God imagined for me…or for my children. Because let’s be honest, they are also deeply affected by the events of October 20.
In John 10:10, we find the words of Jesus, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
The next lyrics hold the key to my ability to change my mental focus and energy.
“I’ve got a secret to share. You are enough to change the atmosphere.”
This is it. This is the reminder I needed.
I am enough to change the atmosphere…
…in my home
…in my classroom
…in my circle of influence
…in my personal space
I am enough to change…
…myself
…my outlook
…my perspective
…how my kids see me
I am enough.
I. Am. Enough.
I am enough, just as I am.
A dear friend sent me a message yesterday that said, “You are significant with or without a significant other.”
If you had told me when I was in my 20’s that I was going to spend my Friday nights in bed before 9:00, waking early on Saturdays and Sundays, I would have told you that you had lost your mind.
But it’s true. Here are five ways I spent my weekend which were the most fun I have had…well, since the weekend before.
1–I knew our weekend was going to be crazy busy, so I wanted to sit down and enjoy a meal with my two favorite people. BUT, I didn’t want to cook, busy mama’s you feel me, right? So, we went to one of Elijah’s new favorite places — Cheddar’s. He LOVES the chicken breast on their kids menu. I’ve tasted it before, it IS pretty phenomenal. Emma ordered…wait for it…MAC & CHEESE! I know, I know, this really surprises some of you. All too often, when we are rushing from one activity or another, we don’t get the time to sit and just enjoy one another’s presence. This was a huge gift to me. (And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts. Acts 2:46)
2–When we got home Friday night, after our early dinner (seriously, we were done before 5…we were out with the ‘Early Birds’!!), Emma wanted to watch some Netflix and relax. So, she did just that. She sat with her headphones on and the iPad in front of her, and watched 4-5 episodes of one her favorite shows, Liv & Maddie. While she was doing that, I assumed Elijah would want to watch Netflix too. Or play a video game. Or build his Legos. Instead, he comes to me and says to me, in the sweetest voice, “Momma Jo, I wanna play a game with JUST you and me.” So I let him pick out the game and we played. Then we finished and I thought his ‘love bank’ would be full and that he would be ready to do something on his own. (And that I might be able to read.) But, in his super sweet voice he says that he wants to play ANOTHER game. So I again let him choose what game he wanted to play. He chose Pictionary.
Now, I will be the FIRST to tell you that I do NOT have an artistic bone in my body. That gene went to Emma. No matter. If my son wants to play Pictionary, then Pictionary it will be! We had so many wonderful laughs during this time. This time with him was quality bonding at it’s best. During our game, I asked him what his favorite part of his day was. This is something we do often; discuss ‘highs and lows.’ He looked at me and said, “Probably right now, Momma.” I stopped what I was doing and looked at him and said, “Really?”. And he confirmed that right there, at that time, spending time with him, loving on him, filling his love bank, connecting with him…that was the best part of his day. And my heart grew three sizes! (Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3)
3 & 4–The third and fourth ways I had tons of fun this weekend was shuttling my kiddos to and from their Saturday activities. As I’m typing this, Emma is participating in her first ever Science Olympiad regional meet. I had to have her on Purdue’s campus at 7:00 in the morning. WOWZA! That wasn’t too early for me, but I had to get the kiddos up about an hour earlier than normal. This would normally be too much for both of them, but it turned out to be pretty exciting.
Emma 0.5 is all ready for her first event!
While they waited for their events, most of the kids had fun playing UNO to pass the time.
Wainwright Middle School 2017 Science Olympiad Team
Before Emma’s first event, I had to leave to take Elijah to his Impact basketball game. This boy loves to play ball — baseball, basketball, football — it doesn’t matter! He loves them all! I’ve told him so many times before, I love to watch him play. I love to see the concentration on his face. I love to see him be respectful of, and be obedient to, other adults. I love to see the sheer joy on his face when he makes a great play. He is so passionate about sports. As long as he’s passionate, I’ll support and encourage him.
Elijah dribbling down the court as point guard
Unfortunately, his team didn’t win. But he had fun, nonetheless.
After his game, I made my way back to campus to Emma’s SO meet. She was just finishing up her first event. We got to sit and eat lunch while she told me all about her event. Then we waited and played cards and talked while the other students finished up their events. The awards ceremony started late because they ran late with an event. So, it was pretty late by the time we got home. My girl was so disappointed because she didn’t win a medal. She takes things like that pretty hard. She is my mini-me, for sure!
When we got home, I pulled out some essential oils to help relax her muscles, I made her some hot tea, and just pampered her. It was a long day, for sure! I was so grateful for the time with her.
5–Sunday, it was just me and my girl. We did a lot of ‘girl’ things. We browsed for a piece of furniture at a couple of local antique shops. We ate lunch and enjoyed our surroundings. We book browsed and bought at Barnes & Noble. We watched a movie. We did laundry together. We did the grocery shopping for a week.
I have to say that I’ve read the words of mothers who came before me, saying the pre-teen/teen years are the best because the kids are just so eager to please. It’s true. Both of my kids are such fantastic people and I truly enjoy their company. This was another awesome weekend in the books!
What do you do for fun on your weekends? I know we don’t all share the same interests…so tell me what you enjoy!
