Category: Writing

Random, Writing

Weary

Michelle

If only, she thought to herself. If only she had the courage to step away. To put herself first. To be her own hero. 

If she had had these traits, she wouldn’t be in the situation she was currently in. She might have had the strength to be there for herself, first and foremost. She might have ended up in a stronger relationship. One in which she felt worthy and loved. 

As it stands, she will have to cover the therapy bill for her own children, because of the  many ways she has let them down. 

This time will be different, she told herself. This time, I won’t be so engrossed in him that I lose myself. This time, I won’t allow him to ‘take over’ my life. This time, I commit to behaving in a loving way, so he won’t run away.

This time…hasn’t been different. She is still fighting for, and wishing for, all of the things she hoped he would be for her. Perhaps that’s the biggest issue of them all…putting her hope in another human being. 

“I have grown weary,” she announces to the empty room. Thinking that if she verbalizes her hurt and her feelings, they will magically resolve themselves, or at least give her some direction on how to resolve them. Knowing this isn’t possible, she continues on, “weary of feeling like an afterthought. Weary of discussing the same issue. Weary of fighting for his time.”

Random, Writing

In the Words of Nike…Just Do It

Michelle

{sigh} Here I am again, feeling like a failure because I’ve not expressed myself here for so long. Major life changes can do that to you.

But then today…I began reading a book that has received a TON of press lately. When I read the author’s dedication, I knew it was going to be life-changing.

Oh, you want to know which book? It’s written by Rachel Hollis and is called, Girl, Wash Your Face.

From the introduction, “I believe God loves each of us unconditionally, butI don’t think that means we get to squander the gifts and talents He’s given us simply because we’re good enough already. A caterpillar is awesome, but if the caterpillar stopped there — if she just decided that good is good enough — we would all miss out on the beautiful creature she would become. You are more than what you have become.”

Say WHAT?!?!

I’m only through the first chapter, but already I can hear Rachel’s encouraging, go-after-what-you-want, words echoing in my mind.

Many years ago, the elementary school my children attended rolled out a new writing curriculum. My kids, then a 2nd grader and a kindergartner, were coming home with AMAZING words. Words that created incredible stories. I had always dreamed of being able to call myself a ‘writer.’ When I read their words, I felt encouraged and empowered. I felt I had permission to do this BIG thing called writing.

It was then, that I decided to start writing in this big expanse called the internet. My blog meant to be a place for me to express myself and be transparent with the world. It has been that and so much more. I’ve made money from my words. I’ve ‘met’ some really incredible women during my time online. I’ve stretched myself and I’ve grown in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise.

And I’ve also let it sit for too long, afraid of not doing it ‘perfectly.’ What is perfection, anyway? It’s boring…that’s what it is.

I’m teaching English again this year. School has only been in session for 9 days, and I can tell you that my students have genius running through their veins. I can’t wait to see the work they produce and hear their thoughts. I was telling them the other day that I’m a procrastinating-perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect, so I put it off and put it off, knowing that if I just prepared a little more, it WOULD be perfect. Then it comes crashing down on me, because I’m up against a deadline.

But the truth of the matter is, my words don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be MINE.

And I’m done procrastinating.

So, in the words of Nike, I’m going to Just Do It. I’m not going to wait for tomorrow, for conditions to be ‘perfect.’ I’m not going to wait until I feel I have ‘just the right’ words. I’m going to write and I’m going to give it my all again. I’m not going to get hung up on who will or won’t read my words. Because they were always meant for an audience of One, anyway.

Random, Writing

Someday…or Today?

Michelle

I read a devotion by Shauna Niequist today. In it, she referred to how the word ‘someday’ can be seductive…

We can tell ourselves that someday we will get in shape, someday we will spend quality time with the kids, someday we will seek out our dream job, someday we will do ‘XYZ’.

Unfortunately, all too often, our ‘someday’ turns into never.

I didn’t want to write this post today. I wrote one yesterday and thought to myself, ‘eh, that’s good enough for now.’ When I read Shauna’s words, I knew I needed to put pen to paper (or words on a screen).

See, I’ve been wanting to do this writer thing for a while. And yes, I can technically call myself a writer because, well, I write…but I want to step up my game.

Here are all of the things I have ‘in the works’ right now that should be helping me up my game:

  • I am enrolled in an online writing class, with an author/teacher who is an incredible writer.
  • I am involved in several Facebook groups for writers.
  • I have multiple writing books on my bookshelves.
  • I have the encouragement of my kiddos and those closest to me.

While this is not an exhaustive list — it holds the most important list items.

And yet, I still struggle to make this appointment with my laptop to write and bleed words…

What about you? What are you putting off for ‘someday’? How can I encourage you to keep your appointment with whatever your goal is? Let’s do this today…and let’s do it together.